My introduction…continued

In college, I met so many great friends. I enjoyed playing soccer, too. We played some games out of state, so it was exciting getting to travel to those games. I was kind of scared to play as well as I knew that I could just because the last time that I really tried hard, I got hurt pretty badly. I was told that I will need a knee replacement by the time I am 35 or so, because of that one injury! My friend, Rachael that I met in my Yearbook class in high school went to college with me and we were room mates. She really made my first year so much fun! We stayed up all night talking and laughing many times! She ended up meeting her husband that year.

After not dating for a year, I ended up dating a guy who was much too old for me. I kept telling people that I was not interested in dating, since I had my heart broken in the last relationship. This guy that I ended up dating was a friend and we slowly started dating. I won’t give too many details, because some people reading this may know who I am talking about, but I will just say that there were some things that should not have happened. That relationship did not last too long and I waited another whole year before dating anyone. Then, I met a guy that became my boyfriend and at first, he seemed sweet. The only problem at first was that he had a habit of lying to me. Before we were officially dating, he told me about all of these sports that he played in high school and some other stuff. Come to find out, they were all lies and he was only trying to impress me to win me over. I still proceeded to date this guy. Needless to say, I ignored the warning signs! As I caught him in more and more lies, I tried to break it off with him a few times and every time, he would sweet talk and win me over again. After he repeatedly lied to me, I tried breaking if off for good with him and he began to get physical with me. This is the same guy that everyone said was so sweet and would be perfect for me. I have many stories about him being abusive. I would kindly say, “I just don’t think we should be together, because I can not trust you since you lie a lot.” He actually took my phone and hid the battery, so I would not call for help. He locked me in my bedroom and would not let me go anywhere simply because I wanted to end the relationship with him. He also took all of my clothes out of my closet and threw them all over the floor while yelling at me and saying how worthless I was. I was literally in the floor crying and begging him to stop, but he continued. I somehow lied to him and told him that I would continue dating him if he would just let me out of the room. Well, as soon as he moved away from the door and let me near it, I hauled butt to the back door, unlocked it, ran to the fence and opened the door and jumped into the ditch, crawled up the other side to run to my best friend’s house. My hair was still wet and I had not shoes on, because I had showered before all of that drama started. I was crying hysterically and beating on her door. Thankfully, she was home with her boyfriend, who is now her husband. I am forever grateful to them for being such great friends that I needed at the time! After they got me to calm down enough to tell them what happened, she ran over to my house and said a few things to him and told him to leave me along once and for all. That was the first time that I cried out for help. I lost most of my friends, because people only saw what I allowed them to see. No one knew that he was hurting me. People only knew that we were on again, off again. I didn’t want to hurt his reputation.

It didn’t stop there. In an abusive relationship, the abuser will often act very sorry and promise that they have changed just to win you back. Well, that is exactly what he did. He was extremely manipulative, I might add. On our way back from a vacation with his family, we got into an argument about something while he was driving and he started driving crazy and turned the radio up and I was seriously scared for my life. I got him to pull over somehow on the side of the interstate and I got in the back to take off running to get help, but he somehow got back there and threw me down into my suitcases. I fought back this time and got out of there as quickly as possible. I ran barefoot to the nearest gas station. Yes, I had glass in my foot and some cuts. I was more worried about getting away from that mad man! He followed me, of course, into the gas station. I kept threatening to call my dad to get him to leave me alone, but I didn’t just because I figured my dad might have lost his temper and seriously hunted him down! Randomly, his friends showed up at the same gas station and saw me crying and asked, “Are you okay?” in a very concerned way and I just said, “Yes.” I mean, the guy was standing right there! Those were his friends! They knew how crazy he had been in previous relationships and I should have asked for help! I ended up eventually getting back into his vehicle, mainly so I could have all of my luggage.

There were many more incidents of abuse in that relationship, but one really stood out to me. He picked up my dog, Corrie and acted like he was going to throw him across the room. That was enough for me! I ended it once and for all! I called the cops and also called my dad and told him everything. I also called his parents and told them about all of it. He still continued to knock on my door, but all I had to do was threaten to call the cops again and he was gone…for a while. Do you remember me writing about the guy I dated in high school that broke up with me after a year? Well, we started keeping in touch again right before I got with the abusive guy, so as soon as I broke it off with crazy man, he came back into the picture. We started a friendship and I felt pretty well protected from the abusive guy, because the new guy was in the Air Force and at least that sounded pretty scary. Soon after that, my best friend hooked me up with a guy that was so nice, but it did not work out. I will shorten the story a little here. There were some difficulties and personality differences, but I was so wounded from the abusive relationship that when he broke up with me, I tried to kill myself. I had finally found a sweet guy and I think that I did not want to go through many more break-ups in the future. I was so tired of dating. I wanted to settle down and quit getting hurt. I took some pills and thankfully, I am still alive. Right after this, I started talking to the guy I dated in high school. We began dating again after a few visits when he would come to see me from out of state. I never could get him off of my mind after high school. He said the same about me. We did care about each other, but the distance was hard and I am pretty sure he cheated on me on different occasions. I forgave him no matter what, which was not like me at all. We were both completely different after high school. He seemed more harsh and not so sweet. On one occasion, he made me cry, so he broke up with me…? It was strange. It just didn’t work out and the day he broke up with me for final, was the day after I prayed for God to make him break up with me if it was not in His will for us to be together.

Here is where it gets good…remember the guy that I tried killing myself over, because he broke it off with me? Well, I met his room mate while we were dating and thought nothing of it! Actually, I did not even remember him after that night that we met during a get-together at the church. Well, he became my husband later on. My new best friend, Jackie was talking about Chris, my husband and saying that he was a mutual friend, since I had dated his old room mate. Again, I thought nothing of it and just wanted to get my focus back on God at the time. I was very sick and tired of relationships that meant nothing to me in the end. This is sad, but there were some other guys that I dated shortly in between the guys that I have mentioned. I am pretty embarrassed about that. I was not good at telling guys to leave me alone. I think I honestly just got bored and I didn’t always hang out with the girls at my college since some of them were pretty mean to me and I have come to the realization that I think it was because of jealousy. I was pretty and outgoing. A lot of girls didn’t like me because of it, too. I didn’t care a whole lot. I was just myself and tried to ignore them. I’ll admit, it did hurt my feelings at times. Eventually, I withdrew myself from socializing at my college. I went to class and went back home. I began ignoring people most of the time. I was sick of people being rude to me.

After meeting my new best friend, Jackie, Chris and I became facebook friends and he eventually messaged me and started joking about me needing a room mate. He messaged me, “You know, I need a room mate too…” I knew he was joking, or I hope he was. I laughed about it and said, “Yeah if only you were a girl, huh?” He then, asked me to go running with him and we started to be pretty good friends. We started hanging out all the time. It was usually Chris, his best friend and I always hanging out. I would get them to play hide-n-seek with me and we would always find fun things to do. At the time, I was not wanting a boyfriend, remember? I tried to make that clear with him. At the time, I was also hanging out with another guy. It became too difficult, because they both started to like me and I just wanted to stay single. Dating made me want to vomit. After trying to kill myself, I wanted to steer clear from stupid dating. Their hearts got involved and I started to feel guilty. Eventually, I had to choose and I hands down, Chris was the better guy for me, but he was planning to move to Florida soon.

I didn’t want to get attached, but slowly, I started to get attached. I mean, he was really trying to be all sweet, but he was scared, too. He hadn’t dated for about three years. He also knew about me trying to kill myself, because his previous room mate and my ex-boyfriend told him about it. I knew that he was kind of scared of us eventually dating and ironically, it happened anyway. I didn’t plan on it happening that way, but it just did. Our first kiss was in the rain and it was the best ever, because I had no clue that he would one day be my husband. After both of us making it very complicated, we ended up together. First, he was scared of dating again, so he was just not trying that hard. Then, I told him that I couldn’t continue getting too involved since I would never have a long-distance relationship again. Well, he tried 100% after that conversation. All of the sudden, he was staying in Arkansas and we were always together. I felt pretty bad for his best friend at the time, because he would ditch him for me. A few months later, he popped the question! Yes, I said a few months. That was fast, I know! I said yes, of course. I knew that he was the one very early. He was the sweetest guy. He also loved God and that was a huge priority for me. He stumbled upon my list for traits that  my husband would have to have and he read all of the 50+ things that I had written down. It was pretty extensive, but I knew that I would never compromise again. Chris was not perfect by any means, but he matched my list pretty well! He asked me after reading it, “So, do I match up?” I laughed and said, “You weren’t supposed to snoop around and find that, you know?” Then, I read my list and told him every single trait that he did have and the ones that he did not have. I was honest.

Well, One week after we were engaged, we eloped mainly because of temptation reasons, but we were both incredibly happy afterwards! I will write about our first year of marriage in my next post!

 

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