I woke up this morning, thinking about Mark. The past few weeks have been extremely difficult for me. July 2nd would have been his 26th birthday and I always sent him a birthday card and called him. The night before his birthday, I had a dream that I was taking pictures at his birthday party. It was a happy dream. I prayed before I went to sleep, “God, please help me get through his birthday…” I think the dream was God’s way of giving me a visit with Mark. I have not had many dreams about Mark recently and I think this one was the best out of them all. When one loses someone one loves, dreams can begin to be something to look forward to. They seem so real sometimes. I remember seeing him smile a lot in the dream. I remember seeing his friend, Lindsey at the party. I saw them together a lot. There were so many other people there that they all just sort of blended together. Mark would come up to me and ask, “Hey, will you take a picture of us?” and pose with some of his friends. Since I am a photographer, I wish that I would have gotten the chance to take some pictures for Mark. He passed away before I started photography as a career. I would love to have the chance to take pictures of him playing music, or anything really.
I even remember the colors in the dream. There were a lot of shades of gold, or deep yellows around us. I believe we were inside a large room. It could have been a party room in a restaurant, or something. There were warm and happy colors everywhere around us. The room seemed to have been lit by some hanging Chinese lantern lights. Mark looked great. I keep remembering how happy he seemed in the dream. I woke up this morning with him heavy on my mind and my main thoughts were about the last time that I saw him. It was on mine and Chris’ wedding day. July 22nd was the day. He passed away on July 23rd the following year. At the wedding, he seemed shy at times, because he lived so far away from all of us. Also, I feel horrible that he did not get the chance to get to know Chris pre-wedding. If I put myself in that same situation and he was getting married, I would have wanted to know his bride at least some. That was the first time they had even met! Mark brought his camera with him and wanted pictures taken of him with my mom and others at the wedding. That is how I knew that he was excited. I never saw Mark with a camera when we still lived together. I was always the one taking pictures of everything. I asked him to cut our cake, because I wanted him to have a part in the wedding. He and Lindsey, his friend cut the cake together and I think that they had fun.
I also remember that we did not get the chance to talk a lot at all. Of course, when someone invites a sibling to a wedding, it is not expected to be the last time to see them. I had no clue that was the case, of course. I also think that we did not really know what to say. Every now and then, he would send me an email with his latest songs and I loved that.
Chris and I scanned a nice printer at target for our wedding registry and Mark bought it for us. I was surprised, because we really scanned the printer as a joke, because we figured that no one would really buy it for us, but Mark did. He did not stay too long after the ceremony. He is a lot like me in a sense, because I do not like to stay at one place for too long. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I am bored of the situation, or company, but I am just ready for the next event. It was so nice to see him at our wedding. I would have been very depressed if he would have not shown up. I gave Mark a hug when I saw him at first and we talked for a little bit. He was wearing a black shirt with jeans. It was very similar to the outfit he was wearing at the funeral. His friend, Nathan said that Mark would not have wanted to wear a suit, which was true.
The one-year anniversary is just about here and it is unbelievable.